Blonde moments

We all have them, even if we are not blond. I just happen to have many more than most people, occasionally prompting surprise at my own tenacious survival on this planet for the last 24 years.

 

This chapter occurred long before I was blond, my junior year of college. I had just bought a coffee maker in an effort to save flex points by making at least some of my weekly caffeine intake in my dorm room. 

 

After the initial small setback of believing the device to be broken (I was unaware of the fact that you have to close the lid of the pot so it can press down and dispense coffee) we were smooth sailing....Until I decided to take it up a notch.

 

I was working at the 24 hour student restaurant at the time and was familiar with making coffee drinks. Lattes, mochas and the like.

 

The idea seemed brilliant and the execution simple: Instead of putting water in the tank, I would use milk! It would boil and drip through the Dunkin grinds and I would have a latte! Brilliant!

 

Surprisingly my plan did not pan out as I had imagined. The milk did boil. It did drip through the Dunkin. Alas, what came out did by no means resemble a latte. My room smelled like boiled milk (a vomit inducing smell to me) and the concoction in the pot didn’t resemble anything a barista would encounter in his or her day to day. Also, my coffee maker required many many washes to stop smelling like bad milk. To be quite honest I don’t think it was ever quite the same.

 

Though a setback was had a lesson was learned.

 

It is not possible to make a latte using a drip coffee maker. So don’t try.

Cooking catastrophe

Ok so I can't take credit for this entry, as the incident did not happen to me. My bf tried to emulate my cooking skills with some difficulty and emailed me with a summary of his endeavor. What follows sounds so familiar it might as well have been me. Enjoy:

so i was looking in my fridge and saw that i still had an onion, a bell pepper and 2 tomatoes so i thought to myself, "hey maybe i'll make an omelette for lunch!"

mistake 1 - thinking i could make an omelette

so i decided to use 5 eggs like you did last time. cut up the onion/bell pepper/tomato and placed it in the food processor cuz i was too lazy to dice them

mistake 2 - WAY too much ingredients. ended up using half of each which was still way too much. looked like an egg jumbalaya
mistake 3 - food processor does not dice well

ingredients came out pretty close to a puree. already over-invested at this point so i put shrimp and bacon in the food processor also. put everything in the eggs and placed it in the frying pan.

mistake 4 - vegetables have a high water content especially when pureed

so as i try to fry the damn omelette, it boiled instead, bubbling under the omelette and escaping at the edges in a volcano-like fashion. desperate, i took a teaspoon (why not a tablespoon? i don't know) and started scooping out the water while using my ladle as a de-facto sandbag. reminded me of katrina. didn't work.

too much damn water so the eggs wouldn't fry. scrambled it instead, which released even more water. i scooped till my fingers cramped.

didn't taste bad though. imagine half boiled and half fried eggs... yum.

Oscar Predictions

Apparently there is no website where you can make your own Oscar predictions, complete with cool graphics and the categories "should win" and "will win". Thankfully I have this blog. Let's be honest. If there is one thing I did in 2008 it was watch movies. The brutal Chicago winter leads to hibernation with my dear pal Netflix.
Exorbitant ticket prices lead me to do double features, sneaking in to a second showing. Considering how many bad movies are made each year, this about evens out the odds. If one movie sucks (ahem, He's Just Not That Into You), hopefully the other one doesn't.

Thusward, this year I have come the closes to seeing all the movies nominated. And here are my crystal ball predictions:

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE:

Richard Jenkins: THE VISITOR
Frank Langella: FROST/NIXON Should Win
Sean Penn: MILK
Brad Pitt: THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Mickey Rourke: THE WRESTLER Will Win

I have to admit that the actor categories are the toughest. Sean and Brad are at the bottom of the pack.I liked Richard Jenkins in The Visitor but his performance might have been too understated to garner a win.
So between Mickey and Frank? Tough one. Langella WAS Nixon, especially since I haven’t seen him in anything else. Rourke? It was basically an autobiographical role. Only with stapling involved. Gonna have to go with the comeback kid on this one.

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE:

Josh Brolin: MILK
Robert Downey Jr.: TROPIC THUNDER
Philip Seymour Hoffman: DOUBT
Heath Ledger: THE DARK KNIGHT Should Win & Will Win
Michael Shannon: REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

Probably my favorite category. Michael Shannon? Can we say scene stealer? He provided the few laughs in Revolutionary Road, a movie that was otherwise robbed of nominations. Preferred Josh Brolin to Sean Penn in Milk. Philip would be my choice of potential upset in this category, snagging it away from Heath. Doubt was more of a star vehicle than a good film in and of itself, and his performance was quite bad ass. My personal two favorites? Downey and Ledger. My God. Seriously two great films, which would not have fared even half as well as they did without these actors. Robert in blackface, Heath with Joker makeup. Loved both.

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE:

Anne Hathaway: RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
Angelina Jolie: CHANGELING
Melissa Leo: FROZEN RIVER
Meryl Streep: DOUBT Will Win
Kate Winslet: THE READER Should Win

I must be honest and admit that I haven't seen Hathaway and Leo's films. Out of the remaining three I choose Winslet, because this nom de facto counts for the two great performances she gave this year (the overlooked Revolutionary Road, so sad). I do have an issue with 'leading' for The Reader. She was not the main character and fazes out in the middle of the movie. Still. My pick. Merrill was good but Merrill is always good. Soooo… yeah. Angie playing a mother freaked out after losing a child? Acting? Or perchance this happened with her brood of 27. Would she notice if lets say Pax was switched? Or just spin a globe and choose a new developing country to put in the spotlight? I kid … (sort of).

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE:

Amy Adams: DOUBT
Penélope Cruz: VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA Should Win
Viola Davis: DOUBT Will Win
Taraji P. Henson: THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Marisa Tomei: THE WRESTLER

I'm not sure if Marisa Tomei or Marisa Tomei's breasts were nominated in this category. Adams was overshadowed by the two acting powerhouses in the film. Also, it doesn't matter what she's in, whether its Enchanted or the Office, she always has the same somewhat annoying quirkiness going on. Can't put a finger on specifically what it is. But it's there. Lurking. Lurching. Adams family. Whatever. Davis and Henson were both good, Davis' part waaaaaaaaay too short in my opinion to snag a win. But she might. Scene stealer! My personal fave has to be Penelope. My God. She made that movie fun. She was brilliant. Not quite a performance the Academy appreciates, so we'll see.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE:

BOLT
KUNG FU PANDA
WALL-E Should Win & Will Win

Wall-E is a classic. Not the most dialogue-driven movie I've seen this year (Waaalleeee. Evaaaaaa. Repeat) but seriously cute-tastic. Enjoyable and timeless.
Liked Bolt quite a lot as well, especially since they had a cat character (not quite Puss but she had some laughs). Did not see Kung Fu Panda, mostly because of the overly-intense marketing. Overexposure can undo it for me, probably why I never saw Bee Movie. Oh well.

DIRECTING:

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
MILK
THE READER
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE Should & Will Win

FILM EDITING:

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
THE DARK KNIGHT
FROST/NIXON Should Win
MILK
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE Will Win

I must take issue with Benjamin and DK being in this category. I know you had a lot of great footage. I know it cost money to shoot that. That don't mean you gotta put it in the film. This category is called Editing, something both films could have used more of. Chop chop people. I'm not that young, where I can sit through 3 hours 14 minutes peacefully. I like them around 2 hours. Which is why I think Frost/Nixon deserves a win in this category. Someone actually edited it to the perfect length. Move the story along, don't take unnecessary detours, if a scene is in the final cut it is meant to be there and has a point.
Still think Slumdog will steal this as I foresee a Slumdog sweep of the Oscars in general.

MAKEUP:
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON Should Win & Will Win
THE DARK KNIGHT
HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY

Yes, Heath Ledger looked mighty frightening with his f*ed up clown makeup, but he was the only one with makeup in the film. Unless you count pumpkin-faced Gyllenhaal. Benjamin relied on the bad ass work of the makeup team to make it happen. It actually deserves this one.

BEST PICTURE:

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
MILK
THE READER
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE Should Win & Will Win

Ah yes, at last. The only category that really matters. And sadly, out of all the great films of 2008 this is the best the Academy could do? Playah please!! I take issue with these choices. None were bad, but none were Oh My God.
My case:

Benjamin,
You set out to be this tour de force, this grandiose epic film with lessons on life and the world. You fail. You run 25 minutes too long and fail to make me sympathize with the main characters. I don't hate you Benji, but you could have done more with what you were given. A splendid premise. Alas, you left me feeling like Babel. Perhaps the fact that I had been waiting for you for months built up my expectations too high. Like Babel. Did you need the entire boat segment? The answer is no. The best part of you was Brad looking hot. But Brad always looks hot, so that was a given. And yes, it means you might as well have been Meet Joe Black.

Frost/Nixon,
I have to admit you are one damn good movie. Great story, well shot, perfect length, great acting. You deserve to be here.

Milk,
I do not care for you just as I do not care for your eponymous dairy friend, unless in cereal or coffee. You were a vehicle for Sean Penn to spread his wings and fly. Fly little bird, fly! But you fell to the ground. You're in the same category with Doubt and Wrestler. Great acting, not great films in general. Don't know why you're here.

Reader,
Reader, reader, reader. Hmmm. You are a conundrum. You get points because you're based on a book I both read and liked and yet I didn't hate you. I didn't love you either though… It was a bit too much Winslet nipple for me personally, but I know that's just how she rolls. Are you here because her other film isn't? Alas, Revolutionary Road was actually a good film. So I'm not sure. I admit I didn't hate you. Props.

Slumdog,
Kid, you deserve it. Fuck the naysayers. I wanted to see you since I first heard about you at the Chicago Film Festival. Perhaps what made me like you more was that I saw you after I'd seen 'Sex Drive', but still. You are visually stunning, well shot, fast-paced and tell a wonderful story. I'm not gonna travel to India ever probably but it was nice to visit though Danny Boyle's eyes. And yes, I like the fact that you were so cheap to make and could go home with many a gold statue. Props dawg.