The one where my cat manages to shame me

I live with a cat.

 

I was going to say ‘I own a cat’, but one can never ‘own’ a feline, especially Deia, so I figured mutual cohabitation would provide a more honest portrait of our relationship. It’s not anything like Marley and Me, though it involves a great deal of tolerance and the occasional mutual niceness.

 

She is not an expensive pet, as she only eats one brand of dry food, interspersed with the random tuna can. In the past six years she has developed the adorable habit of scratching the legs of my dining room chairs. Considering said chairs have been in the house since 1997, and even then were given and not bought, I could care less. However, the six years of scratching have taken a toll on them and pretty soon Deia won’t have anything left to scratch, which might prompt her to move onto my much more cherished futon.

Thusward, I took initiative and bought something for her on Amazon, a highly rated cat scratching post.

It arrived yesterday.

 

My excitement at seeing the post was much greater than my cat’s. She looked at it but carried on business as usual. I let her and the post be for a while, figuring these things take time.

 

In the evening, as I was laying on the futon (which is in very close proximity to Deia’s bed and scratching post due to the miniscule size of my apartment) talking to my boyfriend on the phone, Deia began to assault me (read jump on me from the back of the futon) seeking attention…Attention she should have been showing the post!

 

Me (to the cat, while on the phone with A): Deia! The post cost 20 dollars! We’re in a global repression!

A : Yes, use logic. That will work.

Deia stares at me.

 

I try a new tactic, getting on the floor next to the post and grabbing Deia’s front two paws and showing her physically what she should be doing. (I forgot to mention she is not the brightest crayon in the box. By no means. At times she doesn’t recognize me if I put on a hat or a coat)

 

Deia goes completely passive resistance on me. Where did she learn these Ghandian tactics??? Was she alive in the 60s in a past life? Her nails are completely drawn in so my action do not create the desired effect.

A (via phone): I found an article online: “If you want your cat to start using a scratching post do not force it, cats will resent it and not want to go near the post”

 

Me: Great timing.

 

A: It says to show the cat how to use it and make it look like you are having fun so she will want to do it as well.

 

At this point I go Andrew Lloyd Weber (shoutout to Cats, the title for this blog! Sort of…) running my nails against the carpetlike fabric of the post. Deia continues to stare yet I can tell that as time is passing and my nails are getting more and more filed she is beginning to ponder the post.

 

In the end a small victory was had by me last night. After my demonstration she did look at the post.

 

And then play with the chopstick next to it.

 

Still! She was in close proximity to the post when it happened! VICTORY!

The one where little kids made my day

Though I tried to be relatively fiscally responsible while in London (a.k.a. the most expensive place on the planet!), I did have to try out The London Eye, the giant Ferris Wheel they always show on New Year’s Eve reports from that time zone.

It turned out to be quite like Eagle Eye, only without Shia Lebeouf trying to play a twentysomething. Yes, you do look like someone that could play a foster father to Michelle Monaghan’s kid. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I meant her actual kid. But I digress.

My interest in Ferris Wheels and Ferris-Wheel-Like-Devices has grown since I found out that the first one EVER was built for the 1893 World’s Fair in my darling City, Chicago. I recommend ‘Devil in the White City’ by Erik Larson btw.

 

Chicago so rarely gets any props in this world that I get excited anytime it’s mentioned for anything, given a rare shoutout it so deserves. Damn you L.A. Damn you!*

 

So anyways, I convince Soonie to get on it with me. She claims a fear of heights, I don’t completely believe her until we get on and she begins to freak out. Thus taking the 30 minute ride from fun to damn funtastic!

 

She huddles in the middle of the ‘eye’ on the bench they have, and clutches onto me and Julian for safety. Every time we make a move to get up we are reprimanded, at which time I start to crack up.

Thankfully there is a mother with two young children in the same ‘eye’. Ages? Dunno, I would say under 8, a boy and a girl. And you know kids at that age.

 

 So curious about the world.

So full of questions.

And wonder.

 

Witness the below exchange, which nearly caused poor Soonie to succumb of fear and me, somewhat cruelly, to almost die of laughter:

Mother: “Stay close to me, don’t go close to the door”

Boy: “Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?”

Mother: “Because it has a sign that says ‘do not lean against door’”

Girl: “Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?”

Mother: Because we are very high up and it’s dangerous.

Boy (a cartoon light bulb has clearly gone up in his head, super excited): “Because we would fall and then they’d have to call an ambulance!”

Girl (excitedly): “Our heads would crack open on the ground!”

Boy (not wanting to be outdone by his sibling, yet maintaining the somewhat eerily happy tone): “We’d be dead!!!”

Both smile.

 

Completely made it worth the 13.20 pounds!

 

*(I’m o.k. with NYC, it took a few years of pretty strong hatred though).

The one where I attended a sporting event out of my own free will

On Saturday morning I was surprised by a last minute invite to a Cubs game. My friend had an extra ticket I wouldn’t have to pay for (sweetness) and it was shaping out to be a beautiful day. Now if I agreed to go I would actually spend time outdoors, versus the much more likely home-bound Saturday, so I agreed.

 

Now a clothing dilemma occurred: what does one wear to a sporting event?

 

At ND I was often called out for some of my unconventional home game apparel choices. As in donning multiple accessories (belts, etc) to liven up “The Shirt”, or having my hair completely curled by a friend before the game (execution time: 1 hour, which could have been spent drinking, in retrospect).

 

But, as I often learn these days, we’re not in college anymore. This is the real world!

 

I was pondering revisiting the outfit I wore to the first Cubs game I attended last summer (I won the tickets for donating blood and my cousin was in town, which explains that attendance): bright blue shirt, white skirt, red necklace and bracelet. Overkill really. Plus, they were playing the Cardinals, so I was confused as to how my red would be interpreted.

I opted to go comfortable, color neutral and weather-appropriate. Satisfied with my choice, I called my boyfriend as I was walking to the bus.

Me: So what do you wear to a baseball game attire? How about a black shirt, grey corduroy skirt and cowboy boots? Is that appropriate?

 

A: Yes, yes it is… In Texas.

 

The state has issues (ahem, Bush), but it sure got them boots right.

The one where I flew Ryanair for the first time ever

Making the most of my very limited vacation days, I decided to make the most of my European Easter getaway. By hitting up another EU country I’ve never visited: England.

 

I hadn’t seen my friend Soonie since she jetted off to the Old Country back in August. And though we had a very limited timeframe to work with (I arrived at noon on Sunday, I was leaving at 7pm on Tuesday) I think we made the most of it.

 

Here is what I was able to discern about the land and its people based on what I was able to observe. Most of my findings were contrary to what I had been told/warned about by others.

 

My impressions on England, and getting there:

 

Let’s begin with getting there. My flight, which was my birthday present to myself, came out to less than $150, which I consider a very reasonable price. I flew Ryanair for the very first time. I had heard horror stories and read rants against the airline on a few blogs.

 

What I heard: Horrible service, someone getting puke in their hair from the seat in front of them which had not been cleaned up from the previous flight (grossness), overweight baggage woes, extra hidden fees, their intent to charge 1 Euro to use the bathroom on the plane, etc.

 

So I was prepared and braced. Not being an EU citizen I was forced to pay about 20 Euro each way to check in at the airport. Thus I was determined to not pay one penny more. Not one penny… And I was victorious my friends!!! It can be done.

 

Firstly I made sure my carry-on baggage (one piece, not the one piece plus personal item that I’m accustomed to flying domestic, but okay Ryanair, I can play your game) was under 10kgs. This was possible only because I was staying 2 nights. Anything more would have had to involve laundry or shopping. But I came in with a very sexy 9.9 kgs at the check in counter. At which point I started to think I was safe. I had my boarding pass, I just had to go through security and get in on the plane. I should be safe to take out my purse from my small suitcase, thus having an un-permitted amount of two items with me, right? WRONG. You see, the Ryanair crew had foreseen such a plan and had a secret second scale halfway to the security checkpoint. Can you believe it?!? Its like they could read the devious minds of the Polish! I was much pleased with myself for not taking out my purse prematurely or putting all the heavy items I was carrying in my pockets (cameras and ipods) back in the suitcase. My second weigh in came in with 9.85 kgs. VICTORY WAS MINE!

 

From that moment I was sailing smooth. Took out my purse on the way to the plane, nabbed an aisle seat (they don’t have seat numbers a la Southwest, which leads to occasional madness) and ate the sandwich I had made in advance. The Ryanair crew passed by at least 10 times selling everything from liquor through food to lottery tickets (?). They didn’t get no money from me!

 

One thing of interest I noticed while landing in London was how incredibly jerky and bumpy the landing was. So on the way back I was prepared. I put my hands up protectively against the seat in front of me right before landing on my return flight. And I was glad for it was the most un-smooth landing EVER. I’m almost certain we skidded, as in the actual plane skidded/jumped on the tarmac. Either way we all jumped in our seats…but survived.

 

Thus, I must admit that I was proud of my travel skills in surviving my first Ryanair experience. We got there on time, the ticket was cheap, I didn’t pay extra. What else do you want? I’m not sure what everyone is bitching about. Do it if you must, its no frills but it gets the job done.

 

Word.

End of the Workweek

Now I don't know about you, but my work week was highly productive. Many accomplishments were had in 5 short days.

Not necessarily in the traditional employee sense, or crime-solving sense. But still.

1) I finally got to the bottom of the bru-ha-ha over Britney's "If You Seek Amy".
Mmm, those be some subversive lyrics. Yes, it does sound like she's saying "All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to fuck me".

Ok, not the greatest of challenges (I basically googled "If you seek Amy lyrics, meaning") but not bad for a Monday. And I was amused for a while listening to it over and over so props to me for resourcefulness.

2) Further music quandary I came across. I downloaded the new Kelly Clarkson album after I saw her rock out on SNL. Not a fan of her before but I like her new songs.
Then I came across 'Already Gone', and saw how eerily similar it was to Beyonce's 'Halo' which I love as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g49NE6osis
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70AgyIEnBRE

3) I completed my transformation into a 14 year old girl.

It all began it February, when I was able to purchase the first "Twilight" novel on Half.com by pre-order for one dollar. I gave it a shot and the rest, I must admit, is history. It was the quickest read and guiltiest pleasure read I've had in a while. Books are always better than movies, in my opinion, so I was curious to see what the hoopla back in November was all about.

It's now so clearly obvious: Robert Pattinson.

Quite mysterious, I still can't figure out if he's hot or not, if I liked his performance in the movie or did I think he was overacting, whether he did bring something unique to Edward, or could it have done better. Further confounded by the movie itself, couldn't decide if I liked it or not. I did watch the commentary by the actors and director, which officially pushed me over to my old school 14 year old self. It's like Titanic all over again...

4) On Wednesday I did the impossible, for me. I did my hair in the morning, 1/2 up and wavy, a salute to vintage Pam Beesly (minus the displeased facial expression)

And the best part of it was that for the first time in as long as I can remember I did not change it during the day.
Playing with my hair kills time, gives me excuses to venture to the restroom, is basically a worktime hobby.
I start with a braid, only to put it down at noon, make it into a bun at 2pm, then try a 80s style side pony, only to end up back at square one. All Ye who don't work at BankMark shall not judge.
On this day, maybe because it was an unusually good hair day, I keep it simple.

A small step for woman...

5) I provided joy to others by forwarding one of my all time favorite YouTube videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Wd-Q3F8KM

I'm exhausted. Ready for the weekend at last...

Blonde moments

We all have them, even if we are not blond. I just happen to have many more than most people, occasionally prompting surprise at my own tenacious survival on this planet for the last 24 years.

 

This chapter occurred long before I was blond, my junior year of college. I had just bought a coffee maker in an effort to save flex points by making at least some of my weekly caffeine intake in my dorm room. 

 

After the initial small setback of believing the device to be broken (I was unaware of the fact that you have to close the lid of the pot so it can press down and dispense coffee) we were smooth sailing....Until I decided to take it up a notch.

 

I was working at the 24 hour student restaurant at the time and was familiar with making coffee drinks. Lattes, mochas and the like.

 

The idea seemed brilliant and the execution simple: Instead of putting water in the tank, I would use milk! It would boil and drip through the Dunkin grinds and I would have a latte! Brilliant!

 

Surprisingly my plan did not pan out as I had imagined. The milk did boil. It did drip through the Dunkin. Alas, what came out did by no means resemble a latte. My room smelled like boiled milk (a vomit inducing smell to me) and the concoction in the pot didn’t resemble anything a barista would encounter in his or her day to day. Also, my coffee maker required many many washes to stop smelling like bad milk. To be quite honest I don’t think it was ever quite the same.

 

Though a setback was had a lesson was learned.

 

It is not possible to make a latte using a drip coffee maker. So don’t try.

Cooking catastrophe

Ok so I can't take credit for this entry, as the incident did not happen to me. My bf tried to emulate my cooking skills with some difficulty and emailed me with a summary of his endeavor. What follows sounds so familiar it might as well have been me. Enjoy:

so i was looking in my fridge and saw that i still had an onion, a bell pepper and 2 tomatoes so i thought to myself, "hey maybe i'll make an omelette for lunch!"

mistake 1 - thinking i could make an omelette

so i decided to use 5 eggs like you did last time. cut up the onion/bell pepper/tomato and placed it in the food processor cuz i was too lazy to dice them

mistake 2 - WAY too much ingredients. ended up using half of each which was still way too much. looked like an egg jumbalaya
mistake 3 - food processor does not dice well

ingredients came out pretty close to a puree. already over-invested at this point so i put shrimp and bacon in the food processor also. put everything in the eggs and placed it in the frying pan.

mistake 4 - vegetables have a high water content especially when pureed

so as i try to fry the damn omelette, it boiled instead, bubbling under the omelette and escaping at the edges in a volcano-like fashion. desperate, i took a teaspoon (why not a tablespoon? i don't know) and started scooping out the water while using my ladle as a de-facto sandbag. reminded me of katrina. didn't work.

too much damn water so the eggs wouldn't fry. scrambled it instead, which released even more water. i scooped till my fingers cramped.

didn't taste bad though. imagine half boiled and half fried eggs... yum.

Oscar Predictions

Apparently there is no website where you can make your own Oscar predictions, complete with cool graphics and the categories "should win" and "will win". Thankfully I have this blog. Let's be honest. If there is one thing I did in 2008 it was watch movies. The brutal Chicago winter leads to hibernation with my dear pal Netflix.
Exorbitant ticket prices lead me to do double features, sneaking in to a second showing. Considering how many bad movies are made each year, this about evens out the odds. If one movie sucks (ahem, He's Just Not That Into You), hopefully the other one doesn't.

Thusward, this year I have come the closes to seeing all the movies nominated. And here are my crystal ball predictions:

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE:

Richard Jenkins: THE VISITOR
Frank Langella: FROST/NIXON Should Win
Sean Penn: MILK
Brad Pitt: THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Mickey Rourke: THE WRESTLER Will Win

I have to admit that the actor categories are the toughest. Sean and Brad are at the bottom of the pack.I liked Richard Jenkins in The Visitor but his performance might have been too understated to garner a win.
So between Mickey and Frank? Tough one. Langella WAS Nixon, especially since I haven’t seen him in anything else. Rourke? It was basically an autobiographical role. Only with stapling involved. Gonna have to go with the comeback kid on this one.

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE:

Josh Brolin: MILK
Robert Downey Jr.: TROPIC THUNDER
Philip Seymour Hoffman: DOUBT
Heath Ledger: THE DARK KNIGHT Should Win & Will Win
Michael Shannon: REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

Probably my favorite category. Michael Shannon? Can we say scene stealer? He provided the few laughs in Revolutionary Road, a movie that was otherwise robbed of nominations. Preferred Josh Brolin to Sean Penn in Milk. Philip would be my choice of potential upset in this category, snagging it away from Heath. Doubt was more of a star vehicle than a good film in and of itself, and his performance was quite bad ass. My personal two favorites? Downey and Ledger. My God. Seriously two great films, which would not have fared even half as well as they did without these actors. Robert in blackface, Heath with Joker makeup. Loved both.

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE:

Anne Hathaway: RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
Angelina Jolie: CHANGELING
Melissa Leo: FROZEN RIVER
Meryl Streep: DOUBT Will Win
Kate Winslet: THE READER Should Win

I must be honest and admit that I haven't seen Hathaway and Leo's films. Out of the remaining three I choose Winslet, because this nom de facto counts for the two great performances she gave this year (the overlooked Revolutionary Road, so sad). I do have an issue with 'leading' for The Reader. She was not the main character and fazes out in the middle of the movie. Still. My pick. Merrill was good but Merrill is always good. Soooo… yeah. Angie playing a mother freaked out after losing a child? Acting? Or perchance this happened with her brood of 27. Would she notice if lets say Pax was switched? Or just spin a globe and choose a new developing country to put in the spotlight? I kid … (sort of).

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE:

Amy Adams: DOUBT
Penélope Cruz: VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA Should Win
Viola Davis: DOUBT Will Win
Taraji P. Henson: THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Marisa Tomei: THE WRESTLER

I'm not sure if Marisa Tomei or Marisa Tomei's breasts were nominated in this category. Adams was overshadowed by the two acting powerhouses in the film. Also, it doesn't matter what she's in, whether its Enchanted or the Office, she always has the same somewhat annoying quirkiness going on. Can't put a finger on specifically what it is. But it's there. Lurking. Lurching. Adams family. Whatever. Davis and Henson were both good, Davis' part waaaaaaaaay too short in my opinion to snag a win. But she might. Scene stealer! My personal fave has to be Penelope. My God. She made that movie fun. She was brilliant. Not quite a performance the Academy appreciates, so we'll see.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE:

BOLT
KUNG FU PANDA
WALL-E Should Win & Will Win

Wall-E is a classic. Not the most dialogue-driven movie I've seen this year (Waaalleeee. Evaaaaaa. Repeat) but seriously cute-tastic. Enjoyable and timeless.
Liked Bolt quite a lot as well, especially since they had a cat character (not quite Puss but she had some laughs). Did not see Kung Fu Panda, mostly because of the overly-intense marketing. Overexposure can undo it for me, probably why I never saw Bee Movie. Oh well.

DIRECTING:

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
MILK
THE READER
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE Should & Will Win

FILM EDITING:

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
THE DARK KNIGHT
FROST/NIXON Should Win
MILK
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE Will Win

I must take issue with Benjamin and DK being in this category. I know you had a lot of great footage. I know it cost money to shoot that. That don't mean you gotta put it in the film. This category is called Editing, something both films could have used more of. Chop chop people. I'm not that young, where I can sit through 3 hours 14 minutes peacefully. I like them around 2 hours. Which is why I think Frost/Nixon deserves a win in this category. Someone actually edited it to the perfect length. Move the story along, don't take unnecessary detours, if a scene is in the final cut it is meant to be there and has a point.
Still think Slumdog will steal this as I foresee a Slumdog sweep of the Oscars in general.

MAKEUP:
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON Should Win & Will Win
THE DARK KNIGHT
HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY

Yes, Heath Ledger looked mighty frightening with his f*ed up clown makeup, but he was the only one with makeup in the film. Unless you count pumpkin-faced Gyllenhaal. Benjamin relied on the bad ass work of the makeup team to make it happen. It actually deserves this one.

BEST PICTURE:

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
MILK
THE READER
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE Should Win & Will Win

Ah yes, at last. The only category that really matters. And sadly, out of all the great films of 2008 this is the best the Academy could do? Playah please!! I take issue with these choices. None were bad, but none were Oh My God.
My case:

Benjamin,
You set out to be this tour de force, this grandiose epic film with lessons on life and the world. You fail. You run 25 minutes too long and fail to make me sympathize with the main characters. I don't hate you Benji, but you could have done more with what you were given. A splendid premise. Alas, you left me feeling like Babel. Perhaps the fact that I had been waiting for you for months built up my expectations too high. Like Babel. Did you need the entire boat segment? The answer is no. The best part of you was Brad looking hot. But Brad always looks hot, so that was a given. And yes, it means you might as well have been Meet Joe Black.

Frost/Nixon,
I have to admit you are one damn good movie. Great story, well shot, perfect length, great acting. You deserve to be here.

Milk,
I do not care for you just as I do not care for your eponymous dairy friend, unless in cereal or coffee. You were a vehicle for Sean Penn to spread his wings and fly. Fly little bird, fly! But you fell to the ground. You're in the same category with Doubt and Wrestler. Great acting, not great films in general. Don't know why you're here.

Reader,
Reader, reader, reader. Hmmm. You are a conundrum. You get points because you're based on a book I both read and liked and yet I didn't hate you. I didn't love you either though… It was a bit too much Winslet nipple for me personally, but I know that's just how she rolls. Are you here because her other film isn't? Alas, Revolutionary Road was actually a good film. So I'm not sure. I admit I didn't hate you. Props.

Slumdog,
Kid, you deserve it. Fuck the naysayers. I wanted to see you since I first heard about you at the Chicago Film Festival. Perhaps what made me like you more was that I saw you after I'd seen 'Sex Drive', but still. You are visually stunning, well shot, fast-paced and tell a wonderful story. I'm not gonna travel to India ever probably but it was nice to visit though Danny Boyle's eyes. And yes, I like the fact that you were so cheap to make and could go home with many a gold statue. Props dawg.

Surprise!!!

You live you learn. I guess…

Here I had thought that working for Bank-mart had numbed me to any potential surprises. Been there, seen that. Especially since the company I started working with was bought by Bank-mart and we began the ever-so-fun process of transition. I’ve become accustomed to most things. An OCD mail service lady that has it in for me. The non-existence of break rooms. The fact that booking conference rooms for meetings costs $75.00. And yet…

I go to our ‘kitchen’ (I use that term loosely as the only kitchen-esque quality it possesses is a sink and a fridge) to wash out my coffee tumblers.
Alas! A fellow team mate (not from our building, thank goodness) got there before me.
Now, which of the following, socially and culturally and work-placedly acceptable tasks was she there to perform? Let’s bring it back to school days with some multiple choice:

a) to pick something up from the printer
b) to fax a document
c) to put something in the fridge
d) to get a cup of afternoon coffee
e) to brush her teeth.

If you, like me, would have assumes choices a through d, you, much like me, would be in the wrong!

Because yes. The bathroom is a whole 30 yards away.

Ugh. Shudder.

Small discoveries of Adult Life

College is both tragically and unquestionably over. And with it all the deceptive creature comforts that the four years in the Bubble entailed.
Never locking your room and never having anything stolen.
Free, warm, at times edible, at times quite tasty, food, offered in a variety format. Want salad? Put one together in a bowl. Want chicken? Load one up there on your tray!
My 16 hours of employment a week was considered a lot, or at least a respectable amount.

Now you want salad? Walk your ass to the grocery store, get them veggies, wash, peel, tend and mold them into something delicious. Good luck you novice to cooking!

The point of the above is simple and much more concise than I made it out to be:

Life in the real world is constantly teaching me new things.

Some lessons are grandiose. Others not so much. Like this lil tidbit:

Fabric softener is the most amazing thing EVER!

Though I have been doing laundry for about six years now, I was a simple dryer sheets girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love her. I watched Love Actually this weekend and seem to find myself in a Hugh Grant frame of mind.

Anywho, seriously, next time you do a load, put a capful in during the rinse cycle.

Your clothes and your nose will thank you for it.

Adventures on the CTA: Douchebag Edition

So Judgment day has come and humanity now has to pay for its sins.

The upside is that the good may survive this Armageddon if the wicked are righteously punished for their transgressions. Yay.

It seems like a certain quota of those punished must be met but how to chose among so many?!?
We've got rapists, murderers, baby eaters, thieves? Not to mention Kirsten Dunst?

There should be only one criteria, in my opinion, and it should be this:

Any able-bodied person who chooses to stand by the car reader/bus driver, blocking new entrants' access to the bus, slowing the bus down, delaying everyone's commute, and pissing me the fuck off.

Now, due to the double whammy of being an only child and an Aquarius, I have come to have more pet peeves than most (ok, I could start a shelter) but this has got to be top three.
I have failed to understand such behavior and thus have relegated said transgressors to be sacrificed for the greater good.

There is a scale though, not all being equal (unlike U. S. of A.)

Double douche bag points if you block the Chicago Card reader

Triple douche bag points if you block the Chicago Card reader and act surprised/like you are doing me a favor when you so graciously move your ass aside so I can pay my g*ddamn fare

Quadruple douche bag points (for both participants) if two or more douche bags team up to stand on both sides of the front of the bus, thus creating a funnel-like bus entry system. I do not need to squeeze by two assholes just to get home

In the meantime, time has taught me to accept the things I can't change, or know the difference or however that footprints in the sand thing goes.

But come Judgment day.... I shall be uber victorious.

A good hair day? C'est posible?

It seems at long last, after many trials and tribulations, I have made peace. Not in the Middle East, but with my hair!!! (Even better - oh no she didn't!)
Today's look was achieved through the wise words found on yahoo.answers. If you desire wavy, hollywood style hair, but your own cabello is rather unruly, you can take the following steps to maximize potential:
Step one: cut a hole in the box
Step two: shower at night, apply a generous amount of leave-in conditioner to your chronically highlighted hair.
Step three: go to bed, letting hair air dry
Step four: in the morning gently brush out any tangles
Step five: braid hair, beginning tightly as high as you can go and forming the rest of the braid very loosely
Step six: mouse that shit up! I prefer Herbal Essences Body Envy:

Pimp the braid until it dries, then let loose and enjoy enviable, volume-y wavy hair!!!


Disclosure: not a picture of me. Too lazy to figure out how to use my new camera.

Done!

At laaaaaaaaaaaaast! This weekend I proved to be a tad more productive than usually and finished something that has been in the works since Halloween... painting my bedroom. Hot pink. On the semi- d.l. from the landlord.
Me (dropping off rent and buttering her up): I was wondering, and please feel free to say no, if you'd mind if I added a fresh coat of paint to one of the bedrooms?
Landlord: What? Which room?
Me: The one with the door (yes, the other room has a snazzy mirror-sliding door.
Landlord: What's wrong with it?
Me: No, nothing is wrong, I just wanted to refresh it.
Landlord: (clearly not understanding the concept that someone would chose to paint a room that didn't have a fatal flaw it in): Yeah, sure.
Victory!
She was unaware that by 'fresh coat of paint' I meant hot pink. What what?
Anywho I finally got around to it and finished it. It looks rather pimp-tastic. Black and pink thing going on. My first full-scale solo project :):):)

Adventures on the CTA: Winter Edition

It is not yet 9 yet I am already bored out of my fucking mind at work. Now if only doing work might aleviate such boredom, I would be ok. Unfortunately this is not the way this trend is progressing. Thus, in an effort to uphold one of my New Year's resolutions, I will attempt to write my first blog entry. Dun dun dun..... Here goes nothing!

Adventures on the CTA: Winter Edition

Yesterday two occurences on mass transit managed to surprise me. I like to think that having grown up in Chicago and never possessing a vehicle has increased my amount of exposure and experience with the CTA relative to other people. Alas, something new.
Scene: I get off the Blue Line on the Western stop. I use my iphone for its main purpose - ctabustracker.com and learn that my connection Western bus is 3 mins away (!). This means I have to hustle up the ramp past multitudes of people before I dash across 4 lanes of traffic. Alas, people ahead of me are slowing down, and therefore slowing me down. As I get closer to the exit I see the cause/culprit. A homeless man has prostrated himself, Jesus-style on the floor by one of the turnstiles. Since there are only two, the CTA employee is hustling people through the gate. I attempt to go through the other turnstile next to homeless Jesus (what, he looks harmless), yet am yelled at by the opeator to go through the gate. In the end I make it to my stop and bus on time but I wonder if CTA operator handbooks handle cases such as these. Will she attempt to make him get up? If so, how? Questions without answers.

The second occurrence, what else, occurred later in the evening after I was coming back from seeing Frost/Nixon at Webster Place on the Ashland bus. Now mind you 1. it was snowing 2. I have a dastardly low cold threshold and 3. I had to wait 9 minutes. So I bundled up. Poofy coat, pants fashionably tucked into my boots to protect from the snow on the ground, a hat with a bill that dangerously limits my vision yet looks good on me so what can you do, and a scarf tied ninja-style on my face. I guess perhaps my eyes were visible but only from the viewpoint close to the ground, like a child or a dog. So I get on my bus, headphones muted so I could hear it my card didn't scan. It didn't. So I scanned it again as I heard the bus driver saying something. This time it scanned fine. Finally she speaks louder and is like "Maam, I'm going to have to see your face for at least a little bit". That's a new one. Taken completely aback, I lower my scarf, she says thank you and I sit down, verlempt in realizing I was mistook for a potential terrorist. I guess in the CTA operator handbook there has to be a section about being able to provide a physical description of potentially dangerous passengers.

MMM, public transit